The Stewardship of Pain: A Path to Healing and Growth
Years ago, I was introduced to the concept of being a good ‘steward of your pain’ by Presbyterian Minister, Frederick Buechner. What does it mean to be a good steward of pain? It means staying connected to your pain, keeping in touch with the sad and difficult times of your past for many reasons. These moments often bring us closest to our most vital, human selves. They reveal our depth, vulnerability, and capacity for growth.
Buechner suggests there are various alternatives to being good stewards of pain:
- Forgetting and Hiding the Pain
The most tempting option is to forget it, hide it, or pretend it never happened because it is too hard to deal with. The world often encourages us to handle pain this way. Families, too, can be part of this dynamic, suggesting, “Don’t talk about things that cause pain. Keep them hidden from yourself. Don’t allow yourself to feel them.”
- Using Pain to Win Sympathy
Another approach is using pain to win sympathy. A sob story might be a way to elicit empathy from others, making us feel like a tragic hero in the eyes of the world. This tactic can become a way to seek validation and a sense of importance through suffering.
- Using Pain as an Excuse for Failure
Some use pain as an excuse for failure, thinking, “If only I had gotten the breaks; if only those bad things hadn’t happened, who knows where I might have been today.” This perspective can trap us in a cycle of self-pity and stagnation, preventing us from moving forward.
- Becoming Embittered and Trapped by Pain
Another great temptation is allowing yourself to become embittered and trapped by pain, imprisoned in a sadness you can never escape. This path leads to a life overshadowed by darkness and despair, isolating us from potential joy and connection.
All these are ways of dealing with pain. But there is another, more life-giving option: becoming a good steward of one’s pain.
Becoming a Good Steward of Your Pain
Becoming a good steward of your pain is key to transformation. Honestly telling your story is the first step. Being a good steward of your pain means letting this universal human experience become a source of empathy, compassion, and wisdom.
- Sharing Your Story
Your story is important, because it is yours, and also because if you tell it honestly and authentically, others will recognize that it is also theirs. Keeping track of these stories of who we are, where we have come from, and the people we have met along the way is crucial. This collective narrative binds us together in our shared humanity.
- Staying Connected to Your Pain
By keeping in touch with your pain, you become more open to the pain of others and your own deep places. Keeping in touch with sad times makes you more aware of your powerlessness, devastated by what is happening to you, yet also noticing gentle nudges and comforting signs from the Universe, cheering you on and suggesting that perhaps you’re not alone in your pain. I write about this “kind, invisible, yet vital life-force, who’s got your back, gently pushing and pulling you toward your true center, your deepest identity,” in my book, Pockets of Grace: Lessons from Darkness, Lessons from Light.
- Embracing Your Depths
Keeping in touch with your pain also means being true to the deepest parts of yourself, your core being, what I refer to as your “you-ness.” This authenticity allows you to access depths of pain and joy, for they come from the same place. Embracing this duality makes you more whole and capable of living a fuller, more meaningful life.
Indigo Flow: A Path to a New Beginning
At Indigo Flow, I believe in the transformative power of becoming a good steward of your pain. My coaching packages and programs are designed to include the four transcendent flows of Nature, Creative, Sacred, and Soul, to support you in connecting with your wise intuition, your “you-ness,” to help guide you forward. Through the natural world, creativity, spirituality, and soul-searching, Indigo Flow helps you navigate grief and life changes, transforming pain into a source of strength and growth.
By becoming a good steward of your pain, you open yourself to a life of empathy, compassion, and wisdom. You transform your pain into a source of connection and strength, ultimately leading to a more meaningful and fulfilling life.
Join me inside Indigo Flow and embark on this journey of transformation and healing.